It’s a cold December day at Health and Safety Consultants

It was a rather cloudy and very dark day outside of the Health and Safety Consultants Offices in the City of London, England. Lots of people had suggested that snow was imminent but thankfully that didn’t materialize – just a dark grey day with the thought of the weekend a million years away!

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Jane, the Office Manager who incidentally took her job very seriously began to draw up a roster for the Christmas holiday cover. Amazingly when this was announced everyone found that they had pressing health and safety consultant’s duties as far from Jane’s desk as possible. This just isn’t the spirit! Jane cried, so loudly even the intern thought he could hear her the other side of the City of London and as far North as one could ever imagine.


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Although the interns volunteered with great enthusiasm there was a policy that this duty could only be performed by permanent members of staff and if interns insisted that they wished to work then the Directors decreed that they would be provided with free cabs to work and back home again and they would be paid a fair reward for their services.

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Eventually everyone realized that Jane’s clipboard was going nowhere and all staff had just better get on with it and volunteer to become Health and Safety Consultants who were keen to work over the festive period! Jane employed a rather novel method of scoring every ones enthusiasm. She drew up a list of everyone in the office who had attended a manual handling training course in the city of London. This task clearly illustrated that most if not all members of staff had sat-in on the training at some point so this data was excluded from the calculation.


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The issue of manual handling training here in the city of London was highlighted and illustrated yet more unhelpful statistics showing quite clearly that all member of staff had attended this rather good training course. It was thus decided that lots would be drawn in order to identify the lucky winners of Christmas in the health and safety consultants offices – oh! what a joy to behold. Even fire marshal training had a hard time to fight off the competition.


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Much argument, good natured of course, ensued debating the point of what the organiser should employ to offer to those who were to draw the lots being offered by Jane the Office Manager. Some staff members suggested straws, some pencils of varying length and yet others embraced the idea of cut-down erasers. The latter was dismissed when it was discovered that there were no erasers in the office as it was a paperless environment. Straws it will be then cried one of the rather over excited interns. It was decided that straws had the vote and one of the guys was sent away to pick up a couple from a local restaurant.

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Alas despite waiting several hours the straw-finder failed to return and the others became increasingly concerned for his safety. Text messages and phone calls failed to illicit a response as concern mounted to fever pitch.